I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
