I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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