even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
