i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
