while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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