just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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