Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
