Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
