dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
