the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Come share oat with me in your robe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
