awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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