Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
