Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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