i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
