is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
