haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
