I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
