he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
