in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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