Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
