hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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