It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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