Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
