What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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