i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize