Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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