Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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