I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
