i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
