he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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