Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
