How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
