I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All the doctor said was why
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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