There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
