in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
