i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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