just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
