office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
