i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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