If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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