Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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