Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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