so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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