I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this just has baby written all over it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize