God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
