I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
