Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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