If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
