I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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