I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I AM VODKA MAN
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
