remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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