Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
