Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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