Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
