you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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