There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
