I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
