There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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