Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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