I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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