well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
