Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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