hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
