So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
