am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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