It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
