He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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