just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
